A Confession From A False Convert-Part 2

From the time I thought I was saved until now, I did grow in my faith. I made great leaps and bounds. I stopped getting drunk. I no longer owned an extensive pornography collection. I tried really really hard to not lie. I tried really really hard to not commit sins of the flesh, I tried really really hard to not do alot of things. But my will was weak and my flesh was strong. It wasn't until I examined myself against the Law of God honestly, that I realized I was a false convert.

I had used the Law in evangelism with other people. as part of a witnessing encounter. I had seen it done on the Way of the Master television program and it made sense. The Law cuts through all the rationalizations and justifications of sin and goes right to the heart and the conscience of the person being witnessed to. This is powerful stuff, it is also the way Jesus evangelized to crowds. Why? Because it works. As Ray Comfort wrote in his book, "The Law leaves every person without excuse before the judge of the universe and declares all people guilty."

I have been feeling just sick for a long time now. I didn't know what it was. I thought maybe I was too stressed because I was a youth group volunteer and a moderator of a good-sized Christian forum on the internet and working hard at my job. My anxiety disorder was way out of control again. I had a major panic attack a couple of months ago. I've been feeling physically drained and ill almost every day. I've been critical of others and insensitive to them and their thoughts and opinions. I had this compulsion to always be right and had trouble admitting when I was wrong. To all those people whom I have hurt with these actions, I am truly sorry. I was not myself. Oh, wait, yes I was, because I was a false convert.

Then today, this morning was the worst. I couldn't focus at all and felt this burden upon me that I couldn't shake. I thought another panic attack was getting ready to happen. I took my pills, and did my therapy and breathing but no success. I also felt like I wanted to cry my eyes out but I didn't know why, I thought it was the depression again. But deep down in my heart I knew what it was. I have been listening to the Way of the Master podcast for a few weeks now and I have heard nothing but the Law presented in witnessing efforts. People would have all sorts of objections to the Law of God and reasons why they were good people or going to Heaven when they died, because God loved them and wouldn't send them to hell. I would shake my head and laugh when I heard this. Why? I don't know. When I stopped to think about it, they weren't saying anything that was any different than what I believed. I just believed it for a different reason, because I was "saved". Because "I asked Jesus into my heart".

I think it started to hit me last night. I play an online game called Second Life. It's a huge online gaming community/virtual reality type thing and in there I have a fellowship hall where the more conservative Christians can meet to hang out and discuss theology and stuff. Well last night a nice Danish lady stopped by and we got to chatting. Soon the discussion turned to religion when she asked if my place was a church.

I told her it was a fellowship hall and not a church, at least not yet. She told me that she didn't know that much about Christianity but believed the stuff Hare Krishna monks had told her. Well I shared what I believed and took her through the Law and by her own admission she said she knew she would be found guilty if judged by the Ten Commandments by God on the Day of Judgment. But she wasn't ready to abandon her beliefs in Krishna just yet, but she did say she would read the gospel of John. So I felt that I maybe had planted a seed in her. My job was done.

This morning though I couldn't function. I didn't know what was wrong. After witnessing to that nice Danish lady last night, I felt truly alive! I felt great! But now, I was feeling like, I don't know how to describe it. I just couldn't do anything and I didn't want to. I just wanted to curl up and cry. As a result of feeling that way this morning, I broke down and admitted to God that I was a sinner in every sense of the word. I was truly a false convert, a hypocrite and a liar. I told God I was sorry for my rebellion against Him. I said that I didn't want to live like this anymore and to please save me. I said I knew that Jesus had died for my sin and that I didn't want to live in sin anymore. I wanted to turn from it.

I was truly doing it! I was finally repenting! It felt good. I can't explain how, but I slowly started to feel better. The heavy burden I felt earlier that paralyzed me, was becoming lighter. I have felt better today than I have in a long time. I no longer want the same things I wanted before. I no longer want to be critical of others. I no longer want to be judgemental and right all the time. I no longer wish to live apart from God. It stings me now when I slip and take the Lord's name in vain. I fully believe that this time, I am truly saved. Thank you Jesus! I love you!

A Confession From A False Convert Part 1

In my previous post I said that the people who engage in evangelism should do so only after they have received proper training. Here's why I believe this. Ray Comfort wrote in his book Hell's Best Kept Secret that in 1970 he got access to some church records and discovered that evangelistic success wasn't all it was cracked up to be. He found that the success rate of evangelistic meetings from the large ones to the small ones only boasted a 20% success rate. That means that for every 100 decisions for Christ 80 people turned back to their old ways in a matter of a few months. How is that possible? What were they lacking? I think what they were lacking is a good solid Biblical presentation of the gospel.

If you walk into any modern church in this country, and this really seems to be true of the Non-Denominational and Evangelical churches, you will hear things like "If you just ask Jesus to come into your heart, He will save you and your life will be so much better than anything you've experience thus far." Or "Jesus is my best friend. He and I hang out all the time. Whereever I am, He is there with me and He has never let me down in times of trial or hardship." Or "Do you want to be free from sickness, pain and suffering? Do you want to be free from sin? Do you want to know what your purpose in life is? Do you want peace, joy, love and happiness? Well if you just believe Jesus died for your sins, you can have all that and so much more. Don't you want to ask Jesus into your heart? Come on down to the altar and one of our prayer team members will pray with you. Don't wait another minute." Well who wouldn't be rushing down to the prayer fest and give their lives to Jesus.? I want all that stuff!

But what happens if I don't get all that stuff? What does it mean if I get sick? What does it mean if I'm not happy and joyous every day of my life? I've been told that I just have to have more faith. The promises keep coming, but still some people never get all that "stuff" they were promised. Why? And how long is someone supposed to wait? I believe all these promises that have been made by the modern church are empty and nothing more than a way to get people into the pews in order to build a bigger ministry. Their promises are empty and they're certainly not Biblical.

The one thing missing from these approaches to evangelism is the Law of God. People simply do not know the reason they need a savior. So where do backsliders come from? We make them in churches across the country every week. We make them when we give them a non-Biblical presentaion of the gospel and tell them that by asking Jesus into their heart they are saved. I'm sorry but isn't that a "work"? The Bible clearly teaches that we are saved by faith. That it is a gift of God and not of ourselves, so that no one can boast. Sounds like a mixed message to me. The church and it's false messages of being "relevant" and trying to relate to the world are doing more damage than good. I know because I thought I was saved, because I bought into this kind of nonsense at the first church I went to.

It's been said by, I believe it was John MacArthur, that if you can't remember when you were saved, not necessarily the day or month but even the year, there's a good chance you're not saved. Only recently did I realize that I couldn't even pinpoint the year in which I was saved. Was it '94,'95 or '96? It couldn't be any later than '97 and I know for sure it was before '98. I always chalked up my inability to remember the date due to the fact that I drank ALOT in the mid-nineties. I rationalized it away by saying, "it doesn't matter when I was saved, only that I was saved. I was convinced that Christianity was true. It was proven to me, all my questions were answered. But I never really got all that stuff I heard being promised to other people. I never had the overwhelming joy, I never had the peace and I was never really happy. But that didn't matter, because I was "saved".

But just what was I saved from? Well Hell, of course. Everybody knows that. But why was I going to Hell? But what was Hell? Was it not being resurrected to eternal life? Was it a place where there was gnashing of teeth and eternal torment and burning for all eternity? Was it simply separation from God? I never got a straight answer on that one. I knew I had lived apart from God, but I was told that as long as I put my faith in Him I would be saved and be made a new creature.

But I still kept on doing the things I had done before. I kept right on sinning. I never learned anything about the fruits of the spirit and about producing good fruit, so I was living like the rest of the world, but I still called myself a Christian. Why? Because I went to church and read my Bible and asked Jesus into my heart. The truth of the matter is, I wasn't saved. I was a false convert, a hypocrite and a liar. I was one of the 80% instead of one of the 20%. And ya know what the worst part of it is? I couldn't bring myself to admit it until very recently.